This is already going to be quite the controversial post - I can feel it. Nevertheless, in this post, I want to discuss about weddings, marriage and love in general and my current views on these topics. I wouldn't say I'm the love expert that everyone goes to for advice but I do get quite a handful of people confiding in me on their love lives for some reason. Perhaps it's because I tend to be able to look at things and situations from an objective manner.
It's weird how when I was young and the most part of my schooling life, all I could think about was 'how am i going to fit in'? Yet, I know that there was a deep part of me that always knew that I was different and meant to be different. I was always known previously as the 'soft-spoken' and 'quiet' one because I was always so afraid of saying the wrong things back in school. I wanted to always be right. There were so many thoughts and opinions swirling in my head but I can't seem to articulate them for fear that people would judge me and say mean things about me.
Yet, I was always that friend that people come to when they are going through a break-up, have relationship problems with their teen adolescent crush or just friendship problems in general. I'm not entirely sure why. I'm not even the best at consoling. My way of consoling is to give you space and just sit in stillness and be there for you. I will only give you advice when you want to hear them cos they are all going to be the truth and yes, at times, they may seem harsh, but I've learnt to tune up on the tactful-ness over the years whilst still conveying my thoughts across.
As we grow into adults and have relationships as adults - throw in money, personality issues, insecurities, sex, religion and you get a whole variety of problems when it comes to just keeping a loving relationship alive. Isn't it ironic when you find yourself at different points of your lives, saying things or having friends say things to you such as 'love shouldn't be this hard' and 'love is hard work every day'? They are both on the tail ends of the love spectrum. Whilst I do not necessarily believe in soulmates, I do believe that compatibility between two people is extremely important. Compatibility doesn't just mean in terms of personality, it is lifestyle, the way you spend your money, views on money, religion etc, sexual compatibility, because all these things matter.
A wise person once told me that love is a choice. As much as you can choose to love someone whilst you are in your honeymoon days, getting married, choosing to love someone when the road gets rough along the way is also important. Your spouse can choose to love you one day, and choose to not love you 10 years down the road. It is extremely possible. Humans did not start off as being monogamous creatures, as most of mammals. They shifted to monogamy due to evolution and the rise of STDs which has placed some social pressure on humans to have monogamous mating behaviour. I read this from an article and I found it mildly interesting.
I am not trying to be a cynic and I have witnessed many glorious relationships in my life. But with the rise of social media and the idea of only wanting to portray the good stuff, you really do not know what else is brewing below the surface of those well-curated images you see on Instagram. Then there is the idea of FOMO as everyone suddenly wants to be seen and be heard. They are eager to change their relationship status to 'in a relationship' as a point to validate that they are still worthy of being loved by someone. Strangely enough, I find the whole concept understandable yet it's not something that I abide by anymore.
I think that the love between two people shouldn't be quantified by how much you put out onto the Internet. Maybe there was a certain time in my life that I used to partially think this way, but due to many relationships that unfortunately did not work themselves out, I have started to move away from that. In fact, I'm starting to find that in this digital age, there is some beauty and fascination in keepings things a mystery. Everyone loves a good mystery because they are intriguing, isn't it? It's what makes you want to keep on reading and exploring.
I would say that I was THIS CLOSE to having been engaged. Heck, I even designed the engagement ring myself lol. But life works itself in mysterious ways and in a way, it's a blessing in disguise that things turned out the way they did. Usually when you take a few steps back and look upon things, that's the time you truly realise how some things were just not meant to be. It could have been partly due to that or relationships that came after, I no longer see the need to have myself a huge engagement ring, a fancy wedding dinner and everything that comes along with all of that.
To me, a loving and stable relationship where two individuals really care for each other is way more important now. In a way, I'm very glad I have got to witness most of my close friends' weddings and be a part of their beautiful day but the first thought that came to my mind whilst on my way back home was, that it validated to myself even more so that I don't want a fancy wedding lol. Don't get me wrong, I love how spectacular weddings can be cos I've managed quite a handful of them before but that's just not what I want anymore. I don't need to shout out to the whole world and tell everyone that 'hey guess what! I finally got married'. Heck, I even secretly want to do it without anyone knowing, just us two (if that's even possible in an Asian family). Although I am partial to having a secret party (shhh). I just want a nice loving home, and someone I can come home to and feel absolutely at home with. Perhaps it's also due to a been there done that kinda mentality. I have been there, done that, experienced other people's lovely weddings, hence I don't need to experience that for myself anymore. Ticked that off. Check!
Whatever it is, my point is, if you want to throw a huge celebration, by all means - go ahead! And if you don't want to, that's alright as well! Don't let society tell you or influence you into what you think you should do to validate your love for you and your significant other. At the end of the day, love & marriage is a marathon, not a race. There are many obstacles that you two, as a couple would have to go through and tuning out the noise aka opinions of everyone else, would propel you forward and keep you guys focused. Don't be afraid that you do not fit into a mould. You are meant to be unique and special. Don't ever forget that!
Xo,
Amelia
